Midnight Ponderings
I can’t believe a week went by since my first blog post. I just had a nice shower and now I’m chilling here, in front of a computer screen. So the last couple days I’ve mulled over taking a little break from weed. I’ve been toking for quite some time now (maybe on and off since mid ‘00s). Obviously I’m addicted to it and I know that my body and mind will really crave it for a bit. I used to take regular breaks because of school, or work, or being in another country. And you know what? Those are some of my best memories. I also recall that during those breaks my memory was so much better and I was better able to comfortably reminisce about my own memories with others.
Anyway, I feel the last few years I’ve kicked it up a few notches (haven’t we all kicked something up a few notches? haha) and there really hasn’t been a break. It may be a good time (literally right now) to make use of my empty cabin (thanks Airbnbust of ‘22) before the holidays. Two weeks of cold turkey bullshit, then we’ll see. I really did enjoy the feeling of getting high and zoning out to music at the end of the day, but lately weed just seems to be too invasive. I’m not zoning out to music anymore - my thoughts, ideas, and anxieties continue to race. It’s exhausting. It feels like the weed takes me away, but it really hasn’t been. I feel like my memory is spotty these days and that I can’t properly articulate ideas or memories anymore. I don’t know. Something in my being is telling me to stop for a bit. I never say anything is permanent, I feel like I know myself better than that. I did enjoy the occasional sesh, so it’s really just about finding that balance.
I went on meds for what I thought was depression back in 2012, but it turns out that I’m more in the general anxiety area, maybe OCD (mostly O, but hey, I have my C moments). This is not a professional diagnosis by any means, I’ve just been self-reflecting and connecting the dots and really discovering what anxiety is all about and this seems to be a pretty accurate description. A subject for another day perhaps! Anyway, I only realized this in the past few years, but the pharmacological meds stayed the same and I continued to smoke weed, so perhaps if I take the haze of weed away for a bit it’ll give my ole brain a bit of a reset and we will go from there. Would I drop the pharma ones? They’re pretty tame already, but I would prefer to wean myself off of them over time. I don’t know if I actually truly need them. Some people undoubtedly need medication, but I think there are other options for me.
I am totally open to one of the ayahuasca, psilocybin, or LSD therapy treatments. I have only sampled the middle one recreationally, but, like, I love the thought of a therapist being present to dig right into that brain haha it’s a very exciting field of study.
How about you? Have any of you quit weed after a period of use, and what did you notice? What the hell am I in for? Feel free to leave questions or comment below. None of what I have written should be seen as medical advice, these are simply the midnight pondering of someone not in that field.
Well, those were my Midnight Ponderings. I hope you enjoyed some figurative nakedness? lmao
TNC